Girl With a Suitcase

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I’ve recently found myself often wondering why certain people always need to push themselves to the limit in any possible way, like doing dangerous things, trying out extreme sports, or just moving to another country. The last, in particular, was on my mind for the past 3 months, since the moment I found a job abroad and I started being anxious about it.

There are so many good reasons to do so: a good job offer, an attempt to find a better one, an escape from a negative situation at home, and many others.

None of these reflects my reasons. I have a nice house, a beloved boyfriend, good friends, a happy life, and for sure it would have been easier to accept a job offer in Italy than to keep trying to go abroad against everyone’s advice.

Apparently, I have no reason to do so. And I’ve seen this thought in everyone’s eyes, I’ve seen a question emerging from the tension behind many smiles, and someone also spoke their mind clearly and asked: “why the hell are you doing it?”.

Moving abroad is one way to push themselves to the limit

The funny thing is, I don’t know the answer. I’ve been trying to find one for many years, but this time I tried harder and in this post I would like to express it. More to me than to anyone else.

Once, I don’t know where or when anymore, I read an interesting article about the origin of society; the article divided the population in two main different typologies: the growers and the explorers. Both the categories were essential to humankind expansion, because they had very different roles. The former had a more cautious attitude toward life, so they avoided perils, chose to settle down and dedicated themselves to the development of their community. Of course, these people lived longer, had children, and ultimately allowed society to take form and grow.

The latter, instead, had the opposite behaviour: they would always risk their lives, push themselves to the limits, have crazy ideas and follow them. They were the outcasts, their behaviour always looked weird to others and, well, probably their lives were shorter. So what’s the use of these people? How did they contribute to society’s growth?

These were the people who allowed humankind’s “big jumps”: they lit the first fire, they discovered the first islands, they went out in the snow to hunt sabre-toothed tigers for the community. They discovered America, they created the first personal computer, they travelled to the moon. And many others eventually did nothing special, but they just couldn’t take part in the other group.

Every one of us is the heir of our ancestors on this regard. The border is not that defined, people have different behaviours in different situations, and of course there are no more sabre-toothed tigers to hunt, neither islands to discover. But we all can see clearly how everyone somehow falls under these two definitions.

In this modern era, one of the words that have been associated with the latter group is “wanderlust”. It describes the behaviour of those people who feel the urge to leave everything and go, follow a crazy passion and live as outcasts without settling down. It happens more often than most people think, and if you are one of these person who were born with the wanderlust gene (read this interesting article about it) you probably already follow tons of people that have chosen this kind of life.

Some people may have the wonderlust gene

I personally feel like I belong to this group, but somehow I am strongly connected to the other as well. It may be because of my genes, or because the kind of friends I have, or maybe I am just uncertain of the life I want. But one thing is assured, I can’t live without pushing myself to the limit, and trying to get forward.

I did nothing too extreme, up to now. But I feel I have this thing inside me that always pushes me to…well, as easy as that, to complicate my own life. If something is simple, easy, stress-free I unconsciously start looking for a way to complicate it.

So, again, am I crazy? Why the hell am I doing it?

I think that people like me just enjoy the feeling of being able to get over difficulties so much that they create them. Some of these people are just made that way: they are somehow braver, they can easily control anxiety and “difficult” situations are easily dealt with. But it’s not the same for all the people belonging to this category.

Some others (and here comes my group) are not stronger, for them is not easier at all! Conversely, I’d say these other people may easily be the most anxious, scared, apprehensive on Earth. The thing is, they just can’t stand it. They can’t stand limits, even if these limits are their owns.

These people are often afraid of life, terrified of not being able to find their place in the world, scared as hell of changes in their routines. But when they have to face difficulties, after a first moment of pure terror, they somehow find a strength they didn’t even know to have, they change their behaviour, push themselves to the limit and, somehow, overtake it. Then, these people look back at the way they were before and smile, saying: “wow, I did it”.

And that moment is the reward for every hard time they passed through, because they feel stronger, wiser, freer.

When they face difficulties, they are able to bring out the best part of themselves. While, on the other hand, when living a normal, ordinary, simple life they just forget what they are capable of, and start being anxious, scared and apprehensive again! Does it look a bit masochistic? It may be. Or maybe it’s just the explorer’s legacy trying to find a new sabre-toothed tiger to hunt.

I’ve heard so many times people saying life is made of unexpected turns, and I’ve seen so many people being totally incapable of dealing with it. I am one of those.

So every time I push myself to the limit, every moment I choose a different path, every time I decide to follow the up-hill trail…I am just going to the “gym”. A training ground for life, so that my muscles will be used to it when I need them.

And it feels exactly the same way as in a true gym, when you are sweating hard trying to lift those heavy weights, and you are hating it. But then, once you’ve done it, you feel so incredibly satisfied …well, my “gym” works just the same.

Moving abroad is a great training ground for life

So, what about me? How am I pushing myself to my limit this time? I won’t fight any tiger neither climb Everest, I am not even going very far actually. I am just moving to London to work there for some months. Not a big deal, tons of people do it everyday. The only difference is they mostly do it because they need to, or they want to…I do it because that’s the way I am pushing myself to the limit, it is my gym for life. I am so anxious and agitated words can’t really express it, and more often then not in the last period I have asked myself why I was doing it. But I am, and it’s just too late to be scared. It’s just another challenge to face, and however it goes, it will be such a huge contribute to my life training.

And the moment I’ll turn back and say: “ehi, it was so hard for me, but God I did it!”, I will know life is not stronger than me as I have always been afraid of.